Living Your Best Life as a Highly Sensitive Person

“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.”

David Jones

A few years ago I learned something about myself that I wish I had known sooner. I learned that I am a highly sensitive person, also known as an HSP. I always knew I was sensitive but I didn’t know that there was actually a term for people who have this trait. Or that there were other people out there just like me. When I finally learned about high sensitivity, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief; I thought to myself, “oh, so that’s why I feel everything so deeply.”

That’s why when I was a little girl and learned about homelessness, my heart seemed to actually hurt whenever I thought about it. I couldn’t seem to bear going into the city and seeing homeless people; I would think about them for days and feel intense sadness. It’s why I’ve always cared so deeply about animals and can’t bear the thought of them being hurt. It’s why on cold winter nights, I sometimes can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about the dog that lives outside in a shed around the corner from us. The suffering of others has always deeply affected me and now I know why. I am a highly sensitive person. 

For many years I viewed my sensitivity as a weakness. People would tell me, “oh stop being so sensitive” and I would get angry with myself for not having thicker skin. I viewed my sensitivity as a curse. I thought that something was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just let things go? Why did I have to feel everything so deeply and care so much?

But more recently, as I’ve begun on a journey to self-love, I have learned to see my sensitivity not as a curse, but as a blessing. I’ve learned that when you are highly sensitive, your brain is literally wired differently. There is not something wrong with me. I will no longer apologize for being so sensitive. This is the way I was made, and these days, I’m choosing to embrace it. 

So what is a highly sensitive person?

A highly sensitive person or HSP is someone who processes sensory information more deeply than others. Some people may think that being highly sensitive means that one is just overly emotional or gets their feelings hurt easily. But this is not what it means to be a highly sensitive person. It simply means that our brains are wired differently. 

Research shows that HSPs actually have different brain chemistry than people who are not highly sensitive. There is increased blood flow in the areas of the brain responsible for awareness and emotion when a highly sensitive person is placed in an environment like a crowded party. 

HSPs are often extremely observant and tend to think more deeply. They can become easily overwhelmed in crowded places and need a lot of alone time to recharge after being around a large group of people. They are deeply affected by cruelty and can’t stand to see harm inflicted on anyone. HSPs are often very sensitive to medications, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol. 

Highly sensitive people are often easily overwhelmed by strong smells, rough fabrics, bright lights, and loud noises. Feeling rushed or having to do too much in a short amount of time can be very stressful for an HSP. 

While these things may seem like a burden, there are other characteristics of highly sensitive people that are very rewarding. HSPs often have a great appreciation for nature, music, and art. They are deeply moved by beauty and are able to easily find the goodness and wonder in the world around them. They are often very intuitive and able to read the emotions of others well. HSPs can easily tell when someone is sad or angry, even when it’s not obvious to most people. They are deeply empathetic and compassionate. 

How to take care of yourself as an HSP

If you can relate to any of these things, you’re not alone. Roughly 20% of the population is thought to be highly sensitive. The key to living well with high sensitivity is learning how to best take care of yourself. 

Take breaks often and allow yourself to rest.

You may need to take some time for yourself during a social event if you start to feel overstimulated. Excuse yourself and take some time alone to practice deep breathing to help calm your nerves.

Allow yourself plenty of time to rest and recover after being around a lot of people. HSPs may need extra time to rest and recharge after events that may be extra stimulating. I try to never plan back to back social events and always give myself permission to rest and decompress after a party or get-together. Getting enough sleep is also really important for HSPs. 

Have a creative outlet.

Highly sensitive people tend to be very creative. Having a project or something creative to work on is good for the soul. I love to write and refinish furniture and these activities are things that I get excited about doing. My creative outlets allow me to express myself and better explore my emotions and feelings. Find something creative that makes you happy and make it a priority in your life. 

Set healthy boundaries.

Since HSPs are so empathetic and can tend to take on the energy of other people, setting boundaries is important. Learn to say no when you need to. Try to stay away from toxic people or those with abrasive personalities. 

It’s also important to learn to separate your emotions from the emotions of others. This is something that has really helped me. I used to find myself getting very upset if someone around me was upset. Or I would feel anxious and uneasy if another person around me was in a bad mood. But I’ve learned the importance of distinguishing my emotions from those of others. If my husband, for example, is in a bad mood, that does not mean that I have to take those emotions on and be in a bad mood too. This is part of setting healthy boundaries and is important for HSPs to thrive. 

Find your tribe.

Find others that understand and appreciate your heart and sensitivity. It’s important to have friends that won’t try to fix you when you’re hurting, but who will sit with you and support you during hard times. I’m lucky to have a few close friends who will do this for me. 

If you have people in your life who tell you that you’re “too sensitive”, don’t let this make you feel bad about yourself. Try to distance yourself from these people, or if that’s not possible, make sure that you don’t buy into their narrative. You are not “too sensitive”, your brain is simply wired differently and you process information differently from them.

There’s a group on Facebook called The Highly Sensitive Person which is made up of like-minded people who are also HSPs. It’s nice to have a group of people you can talk to who really understand what it’s like to be highly sensitive. You may want to check it out.

If you believe that you may be a highly sensitive person, I hope you will use some of these tips to take better care of yourself. If you want to learn more about how to live your best life as a highly sensitive person, check out Elaine Aron’s website where you can take a self-test on high sensitivity and learn more about her books on the topic. 

It’s my hope that you can begin to embrace your sensitivity and start to see it as a beautiful gift instead of a burden in your life.

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