Grief is so powerful. It really does come in waves and sometimes those waves are so strong it can feel like it’s going to pull you right under the water. For many months following my miscarriage, I felt like I was drowning. But something really unexpected saved me from going under: poetry. And I want to share a little about how creativity and coming back to what we loved as children can help us find ourselves again when we’re feeling low or a little lost.
Looking back
When I was a little girl, I used to spend hours reading poetry. I can remember my second grade teacher introduced me to the poet Shel Silverstein and I begged my mom to buy me all of his books. I think most kids were watching cartoons or playing video games in their free time but I was lost in a world of rhythm and rhymes.
I remember I wrote a poem about my mom for Mother’s Day and it was published in the local newspaper. I guess I was a published writer from a young age. I also remember winning a poetry contest in middle school and nervously reading my poem at a church in front of a big crowd. And then in high school we had a big contest called the Noble Poetry Contest which I also won and was so proud of. I had a real passion for poetry back then.
Drowning in grief
But somehow I grew up and forgot all about poetry. Until a few months ago, when I was consumed by grief and hadn’t been writing much at all and pretty much abandoned my blog. One day I prayed to God to please somehow help me. I remember I was in the shower with tears running down my face and I cried, “please God, do something. I want my life back. I want me back. Please help me.”
I never expected the thing that would save me, the thing that would bring me back to myself, would be poetry. But that’s what has saved me from the riptide of grief that had such a strong hold on me for so long. That’s what has lit a spark again in my creative heart. I feel genuinely happy again for the first time in a long time. I’m writing and I’m creating and I feel like me again.
I can’t remember exactly when this newfound love of poetry started but I do know it began with a wonderful community I found called The Way Back to Ourselves. I started connecting with some other creatives there and met some poets whose words just blew me away and inspired me so much. If you have a creative heart, you have to check out this community. I have no doubt God led me to these wonderful people and it was an answer to prayer.
Why poetry is good for our health
The cool thing is poetry actually has the power to change our brains, making us feel happier and healthier, according to recent research. Reading it can trigger the brain’s dopamine system, which is our “feel-good”, reward center. Richard Sima, a neuroscientist from Johns Hopkins University said:
“Our brains are highly attuned to rhyme and rhythm, and these elements intensify our emotional responses, be it joy or sadness, to poetry. And like music, poetry can give us the chills, producing literal goosebumps with a good stanza.
In times of trauma, our language centers may go offline, making it difficult to fully express ourselves. By activating a different part of the brain through metaphor, reading or listening to poetry may help us find our voice once again.”
The research on why poetry is good for our mental health and how it affects our brains is quite fascinating. I can attest to the way it has deeply moved me at times and helped lift me up after the trauma of my miscarriage and has led me to find my own voice again.
Finding my voice
As I’ve struggled with my grief over the past year, I haven’t been writing much. Grief will do that to you. But I decided to start writing some poetry of my own as a therapeutic practice. I never planned to share any of it. But after writing a few poems, I wrote one about having EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome for those that aren’t familiar) and thought it may help some other fellow EDS warriors, so I shared it on my Instagram page. It seemed to resonate with others who commented and even shared it themselves.
A few weeks later I was having a lot of heavy feelings one morning about the miscarriage so I wrote a poem about it. I can’t even describe how much it helped me. I decided to share what I wrote and got a message from a woman who has lost multiple pregnancies telling me it brought her to tears. That’s always been my reason for sharing my words, to help others feel less alone. So that was really healing to hear too.
I’ve been writing so much more lately and my depression and grief just feel so much lighter. Life just feels lighter. I’ve even picked up my book proposal idea again and joined a book proposal cohort led by a really great writer and poet (if you want to read some fantastic poetry go check out Deidre Braley). I have poetry to thank for all of this.
It’s just a reminder if you’re struggling with grief and feel like you’ve lost your way, try to think back on what used to make you feel most alive when you were younger. What did you truly love? What did you spend hours doing? Is there a chance you could explore that again? Is there something creative that lights a little spark in your soul? I don’t have all the answers, but maybe, just maybe, it could help you find your way back to yourself too.
I’ll share my 2 poems I mentioned below in case they resonate with any of you too. Be gentle with me…I’m just getting back into writing poetry and have a lot to learn 🙂
I also want to share that I’m now on Substack! I’ll be working on transitioning a lot of my writing here over to that space in the coming months. I’ll keep the blog for now but I’d love for you to subscribe and join me there! It just seems to be the place where all the wonderful writers are these days so I wanted to give it a try. Would love to see you there 🙂
Click to follow: A Purpose in Pain on Substack
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