Give Yourself Grace

Today has been a rough day. I woke up feeling bad physically and mentally. Honestly, it’s been a rough season. I had major back surgery in March that has sidelined me from life a bit more than I was ready for. My doctor said I wouldn’t be fully back to myself for up to a year following surgery.

That’s a long time to have to wait. To have to be patient. To have to accept my limitations. I haven’t even been able to clean my house on my own since before the surgery. I have to be really careful and gentle with my body as my back continues to heal. I’ve had to spend the bulk of my time in bed these past few months, recovering.

This has been hard for me. Everything has fallen on my husband during this time and it makes me feel incredibly guilty. My amazing husband already works so hard to support us. For him to have to pick up the housework on top of this just doesn’t seem fair to me. The voices in my head that like to make up stories and lies have been telling me that I have nothing good to contribute to my marriage right now.

So that’s where I was in my head when I woke up this morning. To top it off my back and head were also hurting, making it all just feel like too much. I wanted to bury myself under the covers and not come out and participate in life today. But even doing that doesn’t protect me from the negative self-talk going on in my head. This is when I realized that I needed to give myself grace today.

I realized that I needed to back up and be a little kinder with the words I was telling myself. In giving myself grace, I realized a few important things:

Sometimes we need to slow down and rest.

There are going to be seasons in life when things move a little slower. Seasons where our productivity looks a little different. And this is okay. I realized that being productive in this season does not mean cleaning and doing and checking things off a list.

Right now productivity (for me) means giving my body the space and time it needs to rest and recover. I am not being lazy, I am healing. I had to firmly remind myself of this. Giving myself grace today meant seeing things through a different lens and changing my perspective.

It’s important to remember how far you’ve come.

While this season may feel a little uncomfortable and unproductive, it was important for me to remind myself how far I’ve come. There was a time a few years ago where I was so lost and depressed that I didn’t even have the will to live anymore. This is when I ended up in the psych ward.

It’s still hard for me to admit this and talk about it. Part of me wants to just block it out; erase it from my memory. But it’s important for me to remember this time in my life because it reminds me just how far I’ve come since then. In the past 2 years, I’ve worked through some really difficult things emotionally and have found answers and healing for my body physically.

While I may not be fully healed and quite as far along as I want to be in terms of my physical health right now, it’s important for me to give myself the grace to remember just how far I have come. This has given me the strength to keep going and the faith to know that I can achieve my goals and get to where I want to be, in time.

Even if you can’t do it all, remind yourself of all you CAN do right now.

When I woke up this morning, it seemed that all I could focus on was how much I couldn’t do. I was telling myself how much I was lacking and all the ways I felt that I was failing in my life. But when I started to give myself some grace, I decided that I needed to flip that narrative. I needed to remember just how much I can still do.

I can still search deep inside myself and find words to write to encourage others. In these past few months, while I haven’t been able to clean or exercise or work a typical 9-5 job, I have been able to write and connect and inspire. I’ve received so many messages thanking me for sharing my story and helping people to feel less alone. I’ve connected with the sweetest people. I’ve nurtured the friendships and relationships in my life. I’ve created beauty and meaning in my life, despite my limitations.

I know that things aren’t just hard for me right now. So many people are struggling. We’re still living in really uncertain times. Things are not easy in the world today. Perhaps it’s the perfect time to give yourself the grace you need to slow down and be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to rest if you need to. Remember how far you’ve come. Remind yourself of all you have achieved. And be gentle with the words you speak to yourself, because they really do matter.

What grace do you need to give to yourself today?

Related Posts

• Finding Light in the Darkness
• It’s Okay to Not Be Okay