In the visual arts, there is a concept called chiaroscuro. It refers to the effect of the contrast between light and dark to define shapes and objects. Think about a painting of a vase and the shadows that would fall on or around it to give form and substance to the object. In chiaroscuro, the dark gives dimension and definition to the light while the light brings depth and clarity to the dark. These bold contrasts affect the entire composition.
The same is true in life. We all go through dark and challenging times in our lives, be it the death of a loved one, an illness, or the ending of a relationship. We may feel angry, frustrated, anxious, and sad as we process these experiences. We’re emotional beings and its natural to feel this way. Life can feel unfair and difficult when we go through these things.
But it’s important to remember that just as we don’t view the dark places in a painting or drawing as “bad”, these times in life are also not solely negative. Just as the dark in chiaroscuro helps to give definition and perspective to the light, these dark times in our lives can bring wisdom and perspective on life that we wouldn’t otherwise have without them. And just as the contrast affects the entire composition in art, these times can change our perspective on life as a whole. These are the experiences that enable us to really and truly appreciate the joyful and happy times in our lives. If we never knew heartache, loss, or pain, would we really be able to truly know and appreciate love, joy, and hope?
Pain can be like a wise teacher and we can learn a great deal about ourselves, others, and life from the difficult experiences that we go through.
There are gifts that come from these experiences, we just have to learn to look for them. I’ve had to endure pain almost daily for over 15 years and it has molded and shaped me into the person that I am today. I’ve learned how strong I am and I’ve developed empathy and an understanding for others as they go through their own pain and struggles. I see this as a beautiful gift.
My pain has helped me build some of the deepest, most meaningful friendships in my life because it’s built a bridge connecting me to others, rooted in my ability to relate to and understand their own pain. These are the relationships that I cherish most in my life and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to build such deep connections with these people if it weren’t for my pain. Without the difficult experiences I’ve had to endure, these relationships would be more superficial and much less meaningful.
My darkest days have contributed greatly to the story of my life, a story that I honor and cherish. By sharing my story through my writing, I’ve also been able to connect with and help so many others and relate to them in a way that I wouldn’t be able to had I not been through what I have. I’ve learned that there are so many other people out there who are hurting, who need to hear somebody say, “me too. I can relate. You’re not alone.”
Pain gives us perspective on life that we wouldn’t otherwise have.
Because I’ve had so many bad, painful days, I’m able to appreciate the good, joyful times in my life that much more. I think back on the time that I spent in the psych ward two years ago, a time when I was so lost and hurting so badly that I had lost the will to live. It was the darkest time of my life. But today, I have a deep appreciation for life and the fact that I am still here on this earth. I see beauty everywhere now—in nature, in words, in the people around me. I am so grateful to be here and I don’t want to waste a second of this precious life. I don’t know that I would have that perspective and appreciation for life had I not been through such a dark and trying time.
Are you going through a difficult time in your life? I urge you to remember the concept of chiaroscuro. Is there some gift that you can pull from the difficulty while still honoring that this time in your life is hard? I know it can be so difficult to see the good when you’re really in the trenches, hurting so badly. I’ve been there, and I know how painful life can be. But if you look hard enough, you can always find a glimmer of light in the darkness. Ask yourself what you have learned during this time. How have you grown as a person? How has this time caused your perspective to shift? What have you learned to appreciate more fully because of this experience?
It’s human nature to want to avoid pain and heartache.
Many of us are afraid of pain, we want to numb it, deny it, avoid it at all costs. Sometimes it leads us to ask why; why do we have to experience this pain, why would a good God let us suffer in such a way? But pain and suffering are not all negative. Glennon Doyle says “Pain is a traveling professor and the smartest people I know are the people who say come in and just don’t leave until you’ve taught me what I need to know”.
I urge you to try to shift your view of pain and the difficult times in your life. Instead of trying to run from them, instead of viewing them as bad, invite them in like an old friend, sit with them, and ask them what they’re trying to teach you. Remember chiaroscuro. The dark provides the perspective that we need to live life fully, with our whole hearts. You are strong enough to get through the dark times. And when the light finally comes, as it always does, you will be able to appreciate it that much more. Our pain serves a great purpose. We just have to learn how to find that purpose and not waste our pain.
Great analogy and insight. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading!
I absolutely ADORE how you tied chiaroscuro into real life! such a beautiful analogy. And yes, I do agree, the pain has been hard, no doubt. But I guess all my pain has made me who I am today. And who knows, maybe if there was no pain I would be a shallow, superficial person floating through life with no meaning.
Thank you so much! And yes I agree, I feel like I would be a much more superficial person if not for everything I’ve been through.
you are truly a talented writer! i enjoyed reading this post and loved the analogy you used to bring everything full circle! thank you for this 😊
Thank you so much, Tayla!
This beautiful post reminds me of a quote from Jane Eyre “The Shadows are as important as the light” – I read this as a kid but that line stayed with me and now this piece you’ve written will stay with me too.
Oh thank you so much for the sweet words. I love that quote! So glad you enjoyed this post.
Thank you for sharing this beautifully written post. I agree, while I am not a fan of the pain I have had to and continue to endure, there are many lessons to be learned from it.
Cynthia, thank you for reading. Chronic pain is so hard but when we can learn from it, we can start to use our pain for good. My friend’s family has a saying, “don’t waste your pain”, that I always try to remember in my life. Good luck on your journey!
Beautifully written! I live with chronic pain from MS and RA and I can say your words are so inspiring and important to help others to understand!
Holly, thank you so much for the kind words. I’m so glad that I was able to inspire you and hope to help others understand what we chronic pain sufferers go through a little better.
I agree with everyone else. This is a beautiful post and you express yourself so well with your writing. Like you, my pain has also helped me make some truly deep, meaningful friendships. I’ve also lost friends and family because they didn’t understand. These people who enter and exit our lives at different times all teach us what we need to learn from these moments. I’d also say that my hardest, darkest days have taught me that there is nothing I can’t get through now. I also know there is an endpoint as long as I’m patient and wait it out.
Carrie, thank you so much for the kind words and your wonderful insight. There truly is nothing we can’t get through! We are stronger than we know.
Samantha, thank you for writing this. I am so blessed to not live with chronic pain but I have had a glimpse into your world with year with 6 rounds of strep throat. The feelings of helplessness are infuriating. But today I read your post sitting in my car with the windows down parked at the local park. I allowed myself to cry (which is rare for me) out of gratitude and changing my mindset. You are a wonderful writer, thank you for sharing this 😊🙏🏻
Gabby, you are so sweet. Thank you so much. I’m so glad that my post spoke to you!
Beautifully written Samantha! You are such an inspiration.
Aww thank you so much ❤️
Thank you for this reminder. Beautiful
Thank you for reading, Brandy!
This is such a beautiful post. I’ve often thought of this in terms of the lotus flower emerging from the rich nutrients of the swampy mud… something beautiful growing from something that appears to be not beautiful. But I love the metaphor you’ve used here, because it adds another layer of meaning. The darkness actually helps us see more clearly the light. Thank you for sharing this! 🙏💜
Thank you so much, Rose. I love the lotus flower metaphor. I have a shirt that says “No mud, no lotus” 💜
I love this article so much. Darkness helps us to embrace the light more. After a painful period we come out more enlightened, wise and calm. I always try to find out what lesson the Universe want me to learn from that, there’s always a blessing in disguise. Thank you for sharing your insights. ♥️🙏
You’re so right. If we look hard enough we can always see the lessons and blessings in disguise that come from these experiences. Thanks so much for reading!
It’s so true that pain makes us appreciate the beauty in life. It seems counterintuitive to embrace pain and discomfort but working through it is the only way we can truly resolve it. Covering it up and avoiding it only leads to more problems down the road. Great post – thanks so much for sharing!
You are absolutely right. We have to allow ourselves to sit with the pain and ask what it’s trying to teach us in order to make the most of our experiences and truly move on. Thank you for reading!
I love the chiaroscuro metaphor! I’m sure I’ll find myself using that with my clients from now on 🙂
So glad you found it useful!
I absolutely love this perspective! It’s so easy to drown in the dark without a proper perspective on what that darkness is bringing to your light eventually.
Kendra, this is a great way to put it, you’re absolutely right. Thank you for reading!
Love your thoughts and writing style💙 I’ve had fibromyalgia for about 11 years. Boy did it bring me to a grinding hault, but I have become so much more as a person. I’ve accomplished a life long dream if being an author, and now following my authentic self. I could not have done so if I didnt slow down. I’m thankful I’m alive, but still get frustrated with the daily pain
Thank you so much, Anne. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with daily pain but I love the gifts that your situation has brought you and I love that you recognize them.
This is such a beautiful post. You are really inspiring. Thanks so much for sharing your story..great lesson for so many of us struggling with our own version of pain.
Thank you so much, Allie!
This is a great article! Thank you for sharing the message. I love your focus on positivity.
If you’re interested, would love to collaborate! I am the founder of StriveWithMe.com – we make personal development and social change more accessible to busy people. Please check out our site and let me know if you’d be interested in connecting further!
Melissa, thank you so much. I would love to collaborate! Your site looks amazing! What a great message you have.
I do agree that pain really does lend perspective to how you view life. An extra dimension, if you will. Although to be honest, I rather be a little more bimbotic haha! 😉 Thank you for this wonderful post 🙂
Thanks for reading, Sheryl!
Thanks for sharing this and letting us hear your story! I love the picture you paint of “chiaroscuro” and the way you use it to shine light on how we process pain.
Thank you, Erin!
Beautiful and inspirational ❤️
Thank you, Anna!
Needful content. Keep creating content like this! Tons of love for you
Thank you!
This is beautifully written! I went through a time like this 2 years ago when my Grandpa passed away, my boyfriend was moving away for grad school, and I was starting a new career and felt completely lost. I had never felt dark like that before, but it showed me I had the strength to get through that and can use those skills and mindset if I ever experience a period like that again.
Thank you, Kelly. I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m glad to hear that you were able to see the strength that came from such a difficult experience.
Samantha, what a great parallel you’ve given here. It’s been true in my life as well. The darkest days have made the light even more beautiful.
Thank you, Lisa. I’m so glad that you’ve been able to see how the dark can make the light even more beautiful.
Beautifully written and so true! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Amanda!
Your words are so inspiring and motivating. Thank you
Thank you so much, Puja!
This is a real blessing to find. It is beautifully written and metaphor of chiaroscuro for dark and painful times is poetic. This idea of needing the dark to contrast with the light is so important for our wellbeing. Just like needing the spaces between words, it is a vital element in the structure of our lives, and I think you have expressed that extremely eloquently in this piece. Thank you. Reading it was a pleasure xx
Thank you, Kate, for the kind words. I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post ❤️
Wow this is really powerful. Thank you for opening up and writing about this.
Thank you so much, Lexi!
Such a lovely post with a powerful message.
Thank you!
Wonderful post. I could relate as i read about your pain. I loved the point to invite it in and don’t let it leave until you have learned something.
I wrote once in a post concerning this “bring on the pain”
Thank you! It’s often not our first instinct to invite pain in and sit with it but when we do we can end up learning so much. I will have to check out your post!
I found your blog through Pinterest and am so grateful. I’ve often said that nothing is usually stark as black or white; the curse today could turn out to be tomorrow’s blessing. I’ve tried to address what’s happened, but follow it with “and” instead of “butt.” For example, “I lost my job … and I have great friends who are advocating for me where they work.”
Anyway, you spun this idea so beautifully, and I’m grateful to have found you. Looking forward to reading you more.
I’m so glad that you found me too! So glad you enjoyed this.
I love this! You’re right – looking back at my past, the hardest times in my life are the times that I connected with life long friends, the people who changed my life for the better. I look back at when I was 15 – I lost my father unexpectedly overnight. It was a tragic time that changed my whole life as I know it. However, my ‘man of honour’ from my wedding, for example, was by my side during that and in the days, weeks, months and years that followed.