Fight Back Against Depression

Can we take some time to talk about depression? I know, it’s not a popular topic to talk about, but I think that’s all the more reason that we need to. People suffer in silence way too often, and I believe the stigma associated with depression and other mental health conditions is a big factor in why suicide rates are so high. I read a statistic that the suicide rate for white children and teens was up 70% in the last 10 years. That’s huge. And it breaks my heart. We need to be talking about this stuff. It can literally save lives.

Depression is more prevalent than you probably think, and if you suffer from a chronic illness, it’s very likely that you’ve dealt with it at some point. I’ve battled depression since I was 16, when my headaches became daily and no doctors could seem to help me. I hit a real low point back then, and considered taking my own life. I think it had to do with the fact that the chronic pain and depression were so new and different for me, and I literally had no skills to cope with the intense feelings I was experiencing. Seeing a therapist helped me to talk out what I was feeling and develop some coping techniques.

I now have what I like to refer to as a “battle plan” for fighting back against depression. My depression didn’t go away after I started seeing that therapist, but things did get better. However, I’ve continued to deal with bouts of depression over the years, related to my chronic health problems. It’s hard to not get discouraged when you’re in pain all the time. When you have fatigue that makes it hard to do the things that you want to do, and symptoms that can keep you isolated at times, depression often results.

After my second back surgery last year, I hit another really rough spot emotionally. I felt like I just couldn’t win with my health, and I didn’t understand why these things kept happening to me. My health issues were causing me to miss a lot of work and that created a huge amount of anxiety for me. Days spent in bed because of my severe back pain or a really bad migraine, consisted of me laying in the dark, crying, and worrying about all the work responsibilities that I knew were just piling up. It was a bad time. I was seeing different specialists, but they weren’t working together; each one just kept adding new medication which made me feel more out of control. I certainly wasn’t feeling better and I wondered if the side effects were just making me worse. Things got so bad that I started to have thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. I hadn’t felt this way since I was 16 and it scared me. I didn’t know how to pull myself out of the dark hole I felt like I was in.

A series of bad events eventually landed me in the psych ward as a voluntary admission. Yup, I never thought I would say that, that I spent time in a psych ward. Because our local hospital didn’t have any beds available, I was sent to one of the worst hospitals in one of the worst parts of Baltimore. Had I known beforehand how bad this place would be, I would have never agreed to it. But I felt like I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t seem to get myself better on my own, maybe they could help. I thought they would help me get all my meds under control and develop a game plan to get my life back. They didn’t. I spent very little time with any doctors and was just given MORE medication which made me feel like I was losing my mind even more. The hospital was so dirty, I remember laying on the hard bed smelling urine somewhere around me. The staff was also really rude and unprofessional and there were some scary, violent people in the unit.

I remember I kept hearing this phrase in my head, “no one is coming to save you.” It felt strange that this kept popping into my head and it certainly wasn’t the most encouraging thing. But the truth that this statement held really stuck with me. It was true—no one was going to save me from this deep, dark depression that I felt stuck in. Not the psych ward, not my doctors, not even the deep and unconditional love of my husband, my parents, and my friends. I had to save myself. I was the only person that was going to be able to pull myself out of the pit I was in. I had to fight back. Hard. I had to fight if I was going to get my life back.

It’s been almost a year since I was in the psych ward and since then, I’ve devoted my time to fighting back against depression and trying everything I can to get my life back. I’m doing so much better than I was this time last year. I’ve developed a game plan for when those feelings start to creep back in and I wanted to share some of the things that have helped me so that you may be able to use them yourself when you find yourself struggling.

Seek professional help.

The first thing I did was start seeing a therapist again. And I decided since I was in such a bad place, that 45 minutes a week just wasn’t enough for me. I was able to get my insurance to cover 2 sessions a week so we could really work on things. I’ve since been able to cut back to 1 session a week. Seeing a therapist is something that I think EVERYONE should do. It’s so helpful to be able to have an unbiased person to vent all of your problems to. The website Psychologytoday.com has a great tool where you can type in your zip code and search for therapists near you. You can select certain specialties too. For example, I chose “depression” and “chronic pain” and found a therapist who has a lot of experience working with clients with chronic pain. It’s helped me so much. And if you’re unable to go to weekly appointments, online therapy has become really popular these days.

I also went back to see a psychiatrist that I had seen years ago. We talked about all that had happened and she recommended some new medications that can be added on to antidepressants to help them work better. If you’re struggling with depression, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going on medication. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m on antidepressants. You shouldn’t be either. If your depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain, why should it be treated any differently than a physical health problem, for which you would take medication, like, say, diabetes? It shouldn’t. Please, I urge you, seek out professional help if your depression is severe.

Open up to others.

When I get in a real funk, I tend to withdraw and want to isolate myself. The last thing I want to do is reach out to others. Calling my best friend on the phone seems like a monumental task that I just can’t do when I’m in this state of mind. But even though I don’t FEEL like it, reaching out to others, is really important when I’m feeling really down. Isolation just feeds depression. So, if calling someone feels like too much, start small. Send a friend a text. You don’t have to pour your heart out, just reach out and go from there.

Sometimes it can be helpful to chat with others who are in a similar situation. I’ve joined some support groups on Facebook for people with EDS and chronic migraines and its helped me to not feel so alone. Just browsing people’s posts makes me feel like there’s a tribe of people out there who understand what I’m going through. Plus, you might be able to help someone else by sharing your experience.

If you can, try to make plans to have a friend over to watch a movie or go grab lunch together. I can’t tell you how many times I haven’t FELT like hanging out with anyone, but I make plans anyway, because after I do get together with a friend, I always feel so much better and am thankful that I did.

Get out of the house.

Again, if you’re feeling really depressed this is probably one of those things that you really don’t FEEL like doing, but I promise you will feel better and thank yourself after you do. Getting some sunshine and fresh air always helps me to feel better. If I’m feeling good enough, taking my dog for a hike, or even just a walk around the neighborhood is good for my psyche. If you’re not up for that, just go sit outside. I was feeling pretty down the other day, laying in my room with the shades drawn, feeling like just staying curled up in a ball under the covers all day. But it was beautiful outside so I took a book out back and sat outside and read. It totally changed my mood and I was able to get things accomplished when I came back in instead of staying in bed all day. Nature is so healing. Get outside whenever you can.

Get out of your head.

Depression can cause you to get trapped in a spiral of negative thoughts. I’ve learned that when I’m feeling the most down, this is when I need to be kindest to myself, although my natural instinct is to be not so kind and berate myself for being lazy and feeding into the depression again. Unless you’re the kind of person that responds well to this, and it motivates you to get up and get going, laying in bed kicking yourself when you’re down, generally does nothing good for you. I know it does nothing for me but cause me to spiral downward even further.

Getting out of bed and getting yourself moving is often the best way to get out of your head, but what if you’re having a day when you just can’t seem to get out of bed? On days like this, try to be kind to yourself, tell yourself that your body needs some time to rest, and give yourself permission to get lost in a favorite show or book. If you have migraines, sometimes its not even possible to watch TV or read, and I’ve found the Audible app to be my best friend on these days. I have inspirational books downloaded, as well as novels if I just want to get lost in a good story. Either way, it gets me out of my negative thinking pattern.

I’m also a huge fan of the meditation app, Insight Timer. It’s free, and you can search for whatever topic you like, including depression and anxiety. They have specific meditations for when you’re feeling depressed — how cool is that? I tend to get really stuck in my head at night sometimes and I’ve found that using this app while I’m trying to go to sleep is so helpful. Writing things down to get them out of your head can also be really therapeutic. Write all of your worries in a journal and tell yourself you will come back to it tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep.

Use music to inspire you.

I hate mornings. I really do. I wish I was a morning person, but I’m not. And since I’ve stopped working it can be hard to get myself going in the morning. Especially when I wake up not feeling very good physically. Music helps me to get going when the house is quiet and I just feel like staying in bed. I literally have a playlist called “Fighter” that’s my go-to when I’m having an especially hard time. My current favorite song that is first on the list is called “I Can Do Hard Things” by Jennifer Nettles (seriously, go download this right now, it’s so good).

I put that on and get started doing the hard task of getting my butt out of bed and just putting one foot in front of the other. I keep listening to songs like “Fight Song” by Rachel Platton and “Girl” by Marin Morris while taking a shower, because let’s be honest, just taking a shower can be a really hard thing when you’re feeling really depressed. Music is also a great motivator for my next recommendation, exercise.

Exercise your body.

So I’m not sure which one I hate more — mornings, or exercise. I used to love being active before my headaches started, but now almost every form of exercise just exacerbates the pain in my head, so it’s generally something I don’t look forward to and flat out don’t want to do. BUT — like Jennifer Nettles sings about — we can do hard things, right? So, I’ve been trying my best to put on my music and go downstairs and get on the exercise bike we got a while ago. I do have a gym membership, but getting myself there is just too much a lot of days so the bike is often a little more realistic. I either blast my music or put on my favorite show and watch an episode while on the bike to distract myself from the fact that I’m working out.

Be realistic with your exercise goals, otherwise it may feel like too much to even get started. I tell myself, “if I can only do 5 minutes on the bike, it’s better than nothing” and give myself permission to quit after that, but always end up doing more after I’ve gotten myself going.

I also try to walk my dog as often as I can to get outside and I’ve found some good targeted workouts on YouTube that I have saved for days when I have enough energy to do that after the bike. On days when I don’t feel up to even getting on the bike, I try to do some gentle yoga. There’s a YouTube channel called Yoga with Adriene that I recommend you check out if you like yoga. Just a gentle stretching routine can be really beneficial to get your blood flowing and clear your mind, especially if you’ve been stuck in bed not feeling so great. Exercise is another one of those things that I never really FEEL like doing, but I’m always grateful that I did once I’m done. Not only does it get your endorphins flowing and benefit you in so many other ways, but it really feels good to know that you completed a work-out even when you really didn’t feel like it.

Have something to work on.

This is probably my favorite depression-buster. Having a project to work on can be really therapeutic and fun. I love refinishing furniture and recently painted and refinished my two nightstands in our bedroom. Not only was it fun to do but now every time I look at them I feel happy and feel a sense of accomplishment. I also somehow convinced my husband to let me whitewash our fireplace. It was surprisingly fun and I love how it turned out. I made a side-by-side before and after picture which was fun to see.

Oftentimes with depression and chronic illness, its hard to see the progress you’ve made. Many days it can feel like you’re taking one step forward and three steps back. But with a project, you have tangible results and it’s really satisfying to see your progress and the final result. And you don’t have to paint or whitewash your fireplace, there are lots of projects you can do on your computer, right from bed. Writing can be very therapeutic too.

Practice gratitude.

When you’re battling depression everything can seem to be cloaked in grey and it can skew your perspective on things. But even when so many things may seem bad, I can guarantee you have something to be grateful for. Even if its having a roof over your head and a bed to sleep in. Try to make a point to come up with three things every day that you’re grateful for. Writing them down in a gratitude journal is even better. There are studies that show that this practice increases happiness.

I started a gratitude journal after reading the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, where she takes a dare to come up with 1,000 things that she’s thankful for. I took the dare too and it’s pretty cool to see how many small things you notice in your life that you’re grateful for when you’re consciously looking for them. You can start your own gratitude practice by subscribing below to get access to my 5 Day Gratitude Challenge, designed to help you seek and find the goodness in your life.

Up your self-care.

I believe that when you’re feeling depressed, this is the time when it’s most important to be kind to yourself. One of the easiest ways to do this is by upping your self-care. What are some things that relax you and make you smile? It might be hard to come up with a lot of things if you’re feeling really depressed, so my therapist recommended that I make a list of these things when I’m having a good day, so that I can go right to the list on a bad day. My list includes taking baths with aromatherapy, drinking my favorite jasmine green tea, reading a good book, watching my favorite show, Fixer Upper, diffusing essential oils, spending more time with my dog, being in nature, doing something creative, and getting a massage. Now I certainly can’t afford to be getting a massage every time I’m feeling down, but it doesn’t cost much to fix myself some tea and curl up with a good book. Give yourself permission to do these things when you’re having a bad day.

I hope that incorporating some of these things in your life helps you to feel a bit better if you’re struggling with depression. Remember that you are NOT alone. And remember that you CAN DO HARD THINGS. Now go download that song and let me know in the comments how YOU fight back against depression.