Last month, my husband was presented with an opportunity to take a new job. If he were to accept the job, it would mean we would have to move to a new area. The prospect of this was both exciting and daunting. It would require a big change in our lives, and big changes can be scary. Although he ended up not taking the job, the whole experience got me thinking a lot about change.
Life is made up of change. No matter how much we try to avoid it, we all have to deal with it at some point in our lives. But why does change make us so uncomfortable? Well, for one, our brains are actually hard-wired to be suspicious of change. A part of the brain called the amygdala actually interprets change as a threat and triggers our fight or flight response.
It’s no wonder that change can be so difficult at times. Even positive changes can be stressful. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to effectively cope with change. Fortunately, there are healthy ways to approach change and ultimately develop resilience in our lives.
1. Identify what you can and cannot control.
When dealing with change, there will inevitably be aspects that we can and cannot control. It’s important to evaluate your level of control over things when facing a big change. What actionable steps can you take to empower yourself and take responsibility for your situation?
After identifying what we can control, accepting what we can’t control is just as important. Give yourself grace and remember that you’re human and you can’t control everything. Attempt to let go of the parts of change that you don’t have control over.
While we may not be able to control some aspects of change in our life, one thing we do have control over is how we react to the situation. I love the saying “life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” Fighting against an aspect of change that we cannot control, or being resentful of the situation is a big waste of energy. Learning to accept the change and adapt accordingly will ultimately lead to a more positive outcome.
2. Be in the present.
When dealing with a big change, we can often find ourselves stuck in the past, focusing on how things used to be. Or we can also find ourselves thinking too much about the future and worrying how the change will affect it. Neither of these mindsets are helpful in learning to accept change and live as fully as possible.
When we can instead focus on the present, that’s when we’re able to really live our best lives. Try to get in tune with your body by focusing on your five senses and what you’re feeling in the present moment. Practice mindfulness as you go about your daily activities. When you find yourself getting lost in your thoughts about the past or future, bring your attention back to your breath and what you’re feeling in your body.
Practicing gratitude for what you have in the moment is another way to be more present. It will also help you feel more content with your current circumstances.
If you can learn to live more fully in the present, you can start to more readily accept and cope with change in your life.
3. Find the positives.
When dealing with a difficult life change, if we can try to seek out the positives in our situation, no matter how small, we can better accept and adapt to our circumstances.
You can sometimes even find the positives in what initially seems negative. If you’ve just moved, for example, you might first focus on the fact that you’re farther away from your friends and family. But when you try to find the positive in this change, you could reframe the experience as a chance to become more independent.
Change often presents us with the opportunity to grow and recognizing this is really important.
4. Manage your stress.
All big changes, even those that are positive, are likely to cause stress. It’s really important to do what you can to best manage that stress.
Take extra time to practice self-care during stressful periods. Consider practicing meditation or other relaxation techniques. Listen to relaxing music or take a hot bath at the end of the day to soothe your nervous system.
Reach out to the people in your life for support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to vent about how this change has affected you. You could even consider seeking professional help through therapy to cope with a big life change.
No one gets through life alone; lean on your support system as you navigate the stress of change in your life.
5. Maintain some sense of normalcy.
Structure and routine can provide comfort in times of great change. Humans are creatures of habit and the more you can maintain your daily routine, the better.
Try to stick to your normal eating and sleeping patterns. If you’ve always taken a morning walk, don’t skip it. Make your favorite coffee or tea every morning. Maintaining your daily routine will help your body deal with the stress of change more easily.
While we may never be able to avoid change in our lives, we can learn to develop resilience and ultimately begin to see change as an opportunity to learn and grow. When we do this, we learn how to embrace change, and that’s when we can begin to live our very best lives.